Google “courtesy” and this is what you’ll get:

“noun:   the showing of politeness in one’s attitude and behavior toward others.”

Courtesy is “the” very first tenet of Taekwondo.  It is number one because of some of the things we learn to defend ourselves.

Imagine, for example, someone learning various techniques that can hurt others.  Then imagine that this person is not a nice person.  This sounds like a bully and a dangerous person.

Think about it?

As martial artists, we are held to a higher standard by others and ourselves, because we know that without courtesy, we can be a danger to others.

This week, look for examples of courtesy at your school, at home, at the mall, and everywhere.  Share what you saw so that others can have a better understanding of the number one tenet of Taekwondo.

self-controlIn our classes, both young and old, we make it a point to recite the tenets of Taekwondo at the beginning of every class.  The purpose of this, of course, is to remind everyone the general guidelines we, as martial artists, use to live by.  In addition, every week, we discuss one tenet in very good detail–asking each student to find examples they see or actually exercise in their daily lives.

Recently we covered “self-control.”

On the student’s card, this tenet encourages the student to calm themselves down in the face of anger or frustration, by breathing in a relaxed manner while counting up to ten.  This process actually has some logic to it because our emotions generally take over when we get angry; by counting to 10, we engage the side of our brain that deals with reason and logic.  The combination of relaxed breathing and counting help control the anger that is brewing inside us.  The result is that we are less likely to be angry, and thus less likely to say or do something we will regret in the future.

Because we teach everyone targeted defensive blocks, strikes, punches, and kick, it is very crucial that we temper these skills with self-control (in concert with the other tenets).  Without self-control, a person learning these skills can easily become a bully, or worse, a danger to society.

Be advised that students who use their skills for other than self-defense, can quickly find themselves suspended from Taekwondo classes.

Self-control is not just about anger control.  It is all about controlling ones self from temptations.  There are many pressures in our environment, as well as within our feelings, that cause us to do something.  Sometimes what we do is good, but more often than not, it is something that isn’t good.

At school for example, kids are under constant peer pressure to be with the “in crowd.”  Say for example, the “in crowd” are all smokers.  This creates peer pressure for a kid to smoke since that act is associated with that group.  A strong sense of self-control, can help a child justify to themselves why that group is not such an “in crowd” after all.  Instead, they will learn to feel sorry for those that fall and succumb to peer pressure.

There are many other things kids (as well as adults), can be tempted to do.  With self-control, they can temper such urges.

Now you know the importance of self-control, and what can happen, should a student fail to exercise it.

Have you exercised self-control lately, or have you seen someone put it to use?  Please share by commenting below.

sparring

Courtesy on the sparring mat (credit: forlanda)

About Courtesy

Courtesy is the first tenet of Taekwondo.  It represents a positive aspect of a person’s character.  In simplistic terms, it means being nice to others.

One way one can be nice is to show respect.  When one respects another it generates positive energy.  This positive energy is what makes people feel good about themselves.  There are many ways of showing respect.  You can show respect by saying or doing something; the same is true for withholding words or not doing something.  This might seem confusing, so here are some example to clarify.

Things you say or do to show respect:

  1. say:  Start saying “sir” or “ma’ am” to everyone.  Everyone will start feeling they are important.
  2. do:  Open a door for someone, and make them feel special.
What you do here generates positive energy on the receiving end.

What you should not say or not do to show respect:

  1. don’t say:  Call someone who is obese “fatso”.  If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
  2. don’t do:  Cut in line in front of people who has been waiting ahead of you.  This creates negative energy against you.

Things you don’t do prevent negative energy.  This kind of courtesy are the ones that tend to be invisible, i.e. people will typically not notice it unless they know the nature of the person who is restraining themselves.

Courtesy On The Sparring Mat

A few days a go, I saw an exemplary display of courtesy.  This great act of courtesy came from one of our students who is just 11 years old.  This just goes to show that courtesy has no age boundaries, or for that matter, no gender or ethnic limits.

Anyway, our student exercised courtesy during a Taekwondo sparring match.  You might be thinking or asking “how can someone show courtesy in a sparring match when all the do there is punch and kick each other?”  This is where it gets interesting.  Our student is extremely fast and strong in sparring.  His kicks are devastating to anyone even above his age group.

During his sparring match, he moved and kicked just as we practiced in class.  However, there was something missing.  His kicks and punches lacked the sting they normally had during sparring practice in class.  As the matched continued, it was clear that his opponent wasn’t as skilled, and was basically outclassed.  Our student won the match–scoring 3 to 1.

What really happened here?  And how does courtesy fit in?  It may not be obvious, but our student realized his opponent was outclassed and thought that his kicks could potentially hurt or injure his opponent.   So instead of kicking at his normal speed and power, he restrained himself–still kicking with enough power to score, yet sufficiently restrained so as not to hurt the other kid.  When I realized this, I stopped shouting instructions towards him; I just let him be throughout the rest of the match.

For any age, this behavior is exemplary.  It is a sign that our student knows to respect the safety of others even to the point of possibly compromising his win.  He could have easily shut out his opponent, but his humbleness and courtesy showed his potential for becoming a true martial artist.  He also gained my respect and admiration.

Conclusion

Most of the time, courtesy is something you do to others who notice and appreciate it.  However, sometimes it is something you do not do, as in the case of our student who restrained his normally strong kicks to avoid possibly hurting someone who wasn’t as skilled at protecting himself during a match.

Acts of courtesy of this kind could easily remain hidden from everyone, except for the lucky few who happen to know the inside story.

So remember, acts of courtesy can be happening all around you without you.