Respect

Respect in Taekwondo

(Written by Kenneth Yi in 2011)

On a popular social networking Internet site called Facebook, as I write this essay, there are currently 12,904 members that have joined “I’m a Black Belt in Taekwondo.”  My guess is that many of those black belts were asked the same above question as one of their requirements before obtaining their black belt in Taekwondo.  Furthermore, when you google the exact above question (Webster dictionary finally made “google” an official verb), you will be able to read all the different responses for many days as the search will give you 1,740,000 results.  If you google “what black belt means to me,” you will get 4,160,000 results.  In reading a few of the posted answers I realized that each person went through different  experiences in reaching their black belt.  Therefore, at the end, it appears that everyone has a different opinion about the meaning of being a black belt. When you compare some of the answers posted, only a few writers really try to answer the question “what it means to be a black belt.”  Instead, one can not help but notice that most writers are telling their stories about their journey in finally obtaining the black belt in Taekwondo.  Possibly, one of the reasons is that most writers obtained their black belts at a young age.  At younger age, it is more difficult to understand  what being a black belt  truly represents. My grandfather was a life long practitioner of Kumdo reaching 9th  degree and served in Korean athletic development  in many capacities.  Now he is mostly remembered as a founding coach of a Kumdo team at a major university in Korea (http://medikumdo.com).  He wrote an article which said that martial artists not knowing the meaning of “Do” are just simple hoodlums that learned how to wield a stick.  He stressed  that the meaning of “Do” should be realized by all of us and practiced  not just inside the dojang but more importantly outside in our daily lives.  Furthermore, he emphasized that we are never perfect but constantly striving to reach that perfection.  He said, possessing those characteristics and attitude constitutes a true martial artist. Similarly, Casimir Loeber wrote,

“In my opinion, there is a huge difference between being a black belt and having a black belt.  A black belt is after all a black piece of cloth that is tied around ones waist.  On the other hand, being a black belt is something profound that represents who you are to the core.  With enough effort almost anyone off the street can work out enough to accomplish the physical feats associated with having a black belt, but if takes someone truly special to embody what being a black belt represents.  A black belt represents the never ending quest to perfect your mind, body and soul; to treat others and the world with respect and to hold you to the highest standards possible.”

Although written many decades apart and at two extreme ends of the earth, Mr. Loeber’s and my grandfather’s article tell the same inherent message.  Mastering the physical techniques is required in order for one to advance in ranks to reach the black belt.  Many hours of dedicated training will transform a student to perform physically at the level that is expected of a black belt.  But one must at the same time learn and understand “The Way of Taekwondo,” the “Do” portion.  Striving to apply the tenants and commandments of Taekwondo in our daily lives is very important.  Understanding what the true meaning of being a black belt is just as important as knowing how to execute the poomse to perfection.  Therefore, I believe that being a black belt means that one sets an ultimate goal of trying to reach that perfection of the mind, body, and the soul. Most professional athletes retire before reaching 40 years old.  The physical demands of a sport will take a toll on an athlete’s body.  Soon, one will realize that they can’t compete at the level that they are accustomed to or wanting to.  When an athlete realizes this fact, they will usually hold a news conference and tearfully announce to the world that they will quit.  Achieving  the goal of a black belt in Taekwondo has taken me 6 years.  I will be turning 48 this year.  I can remember many days that I was so sore from training that I could barely walk.  Adam Aronson wrote,

“I have always believed that difference between a black belt and a white belt is the black belt just did not quit.  This is to me the most important meaning black belt and the reason why I am still pursuing it.” (http://www.mhka.com/index.php/black-belt-essay-mainmenu-52)

Not quitting and reaching the black belt has made me feel younger and my body stronger.  Becoming more flexible has alleviated many aches from simple daily tasks.  The confidence that I have gained allows me to feel more youthful in spirit.  The realization that you are coordinated enough and that you can control you body to perform Taekwondo techniques gives you an increased sense of empowerment.  Being able to train in Taekwondo with younger classmates has been a blessing.  The grimacing faces of the fellow students next to you as you stretch and cheering each other as we spar will always be cherished.  Because I will continue to tie the black belt in dojang means that camaraderie we share with each other will continue.  Finally, the sense of improvement I gain from day to day as I train further is satisfying.  So, being a black belt means that you are maintaining your strength in your body and nurturing your youthful heart. Here is a part of the essay written by Thomas Lynch, 3rd Degree Black Belt.  He concluded his essay by writing,

“I’d like to thank my mom for enrolling me in Tae Kwon Do at the age of four, and taking Tae Kwon Do with me.  I’d also like to thank Mr. and Mrs. Lightfoot for putting up with me when I was a crazy little kid back in the day.  Without their faith in me, I would not be standing here today.  Thanks for a great 10 years, and here’s to many more.” (http://leadbyexampletaekwondo.com/benefits/testimonials/thomasl.html)

Taekwondo has been a great activity for my family.  Just riding to and from the classes together with my kids has been fun.  Sharing about Taekwondo has brought us much closer than any other activities that we have done.  There are only two kinds of people in this world.  Either you are a black belt or you are not.  Once you are a black belt you are forever recognized as a black belt.  Quitting at blue belt in Taekwondo is never mentioned as a person’s list of accomplishments.  The legacy was left from my grandfather to us.  Being a black belt means that I can continue that legacy down to my kids.  Becoming a black belt along with my kids will always remain as the biggest accomplishments in my life.  One of the most important reasons of becoming a black belt for me is that I will be able to continue this common bond with my kids forever.  To me that is priceless. I have observed that most students stop training once they reach their black belt as if they are graduating.  I like to tell them that black belt means that we have just learned the basics and it’s a new beginning.  Becoming a black belt means reaching a fork in the road that will start a new journey.  The kicks have to improve; the forms have to be done with more precise stances and more life lessons to be learned inside dojang.  I was told by a professor that when he was conferred his PhD degree, his mentor told him that it’s only a license to do further research and continue to learn on his own without supervision.  He emphasized that the degree wasn’t to show that now he knew everything.  I know there are so much more to be learned.  That’s why black belts are given as 1st dan and not as 9th dan in Taekwondo.  Even as a black belt, one must maintain the commitment to learn as if you were a lower colored belt. Written by Dan titled: Does your black belt define you, or do you define it?  He concludes by writing,

“It’s the opinion of other martial artists which are most influenced by the ‘dilution effect.’  Telling other martial artists that you have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do means little if anything (I believe this effect has most damaged Tae Kwon Do).  This, of course, is not limited to Tae Kwon Do, but applies, to some degree, to all styles and schools.  The people that truly know what your black belt is worth, is your fellow students, and your instructor.  Finally, you are the only person in the entire world that understands what your black belt means.”  (http://roxomedia.wordpress.com/blackbelt/)

Quoting,

“Respect has a great importance in everyday life.  As children we are taught (one hopes) to respect our parents, teachers, and elders, school rules and traffic laws, family and cultural traditions, other people’s differing opinions.  And we come to value respect for such things; when we’re older, we may shake our heads (or fists) at people who seem not to have learned to respect them.  We develop great respect for people we consider exemplary and lose respect for those we discover to be clay-footed, and so we may try to respect only those who are truly worthy of respect.  We may also come to believe that, at some level, all people are worthy of respect.  We may learn that jobs and relationships become unbearable if we receive no respect in them; in certain social milieus we may learn the price of disrespect if we violate the street law:  “Diss me, and you die.”  Calls to respect this or that are increasingly part of public life:  environmentalists exhort us to respect nature, foes of abortion and capital punish insist on respect for human life, members of racial and ethnic minorities and those discriminated against because of their gender, sexual orientation, age, religious beliefs, or economic status demand respect both as social and moral equals and for their cultural differences. And it is widely acknowledged that public debates about such demands should take place under terms of mutual respect.  We may learn both that our lives together go better when we respect the things that deserve to be respected and that we should respect some things independently of considerations of how our lives would go.” (http://plato.standord.edu/entries/respect/)

Black belt means to me ‘respect.”  I believe that because I have the respect for what Taekwondo is and all that encompasses, I was able to reach to black belt.  Without that respect that I have gained along the way, I probably would have given up and stopped training.  Training in Taekwondo has a mystic quality.  It feels like I did not become a black belt but that Taekwondo slowly transformed me into a black belt.  It is hard to explain with words.  Taekwondo deserves the utmost respect.  The advancements in ranks were exciting and challenging.  But, there had to been more than obtaining that next belt.  The whole training process has been a humbling experience for me.  And, I realize that it was the respect for Taekwondo and what Taekwondo represents that helped me persevere through the training  to reach the black belt.    At the end, it will be the respect for my black belt that will further me along in ranks.  The understanding what respect is and more precisely what “mutual respect” represents, is what I believe to be the true meaning of being a black belt in Taekwondo.  The black belt in Taekwondo signifies “mutual respect.”  A mutual respect is the only way that will lead to positive results in everything we do.  At the end of each class, all students recite the 10 commandments of Taekwondo.  The black belts should add as 11th commandment “respect your black belt.”

Courtesy:  the first tenet of Taekwondo

Showing respect is showing courtesy

We recite the tenets of Taekwondo every day.

“Courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, indomitable spirit, and victory.”

Last week we discussed the first tenet of Taekwondo–courtesy.

What does “courtesy” really mean?  In simple terms, it means being nice to others.

However, it goes beyond this.  It also means being respectful of others.  In other words, treat others as you would like to be treated–the golden rule.  This would mean that you would want others to be nice and respectful to you.  So you should in turn treat others nicely and respectfully if you wish to be treated that way.

For a child, all this don’t mean much unless you can show examples of “courtesy”.  Below are examples that show acts of courtesy.

  1. Opening a door for someone
  2. Helping someone pick up their things after they dropped them
  3. Helping Mom around the house
  4. Saying “thank  you” when someone does something nice to you
  5. Saying “sir” or “ma’am” when talking to elders
  6. In a bus, giving up your seat to an older person or someone who can’t stand for an extended period
  7. Sharing toys with other kids

Can you name a few more examples that show good examples of “courtesy”?

The title of this posting–“Respect Your Parents and Elders”–is the second commandment of the 10 commandments of Taekwondo.  The incident you are about to read will show why this commandment is very important for kids to learn today.

By now most of you may have already heard of the news about Karen Klein–a 68-year old bus monitor from New York–who was bullied by 7th graders while on her bus monitoring duty.  The video (shown below) has gone viral, and has been viewed over 3 million times by people all over the world.

WARNING, the language used by the kids in the video are pretty graphic.  If you have a head set,  use it so your young ones don’t hear and emulate such vulgar language.

For whatever reason, the kids in this video thought that harassing and bullying Karen Klein was fun.  Fortunately, the rest of the world didn’t see it that way.  An outpouring of support both morally and monetarily came in from various places through her facebook page as well as a fundraising site, which by now shows that her supporters have raised over $630,000 to send Mrs. Klein on vacation.  Note that the original goal was $5,000.

The disrespectful kids, along with their parents, have since apologized to Mrs. Klein.  I’m not sure how sincere those apologies are; regardless, these kids will be permanently marked as bullies because this video will forever exist on the Internet, serving as a reminder of the pains they’ve caused a fellow human being.

Bullying another person isn’t nice.  It goes against the tenet of courtesy–the first tenet of the 6 tenets of Taekwondo.  When you have “courtesy”, you treat people with respect, regardless of age or gender.

I hope the kids in the above video have learned their lesson, and parents who see this video remind their kids about respect, and how disrespecting others can negatively impact them and others around them.

Kids, please respect your parents and elders!  You will be better for it.

sparring

Courtesy on the sparring mat (credit: forlanda)

About Courtesy

Courtesy is the first tenet of Taekwondo.  It represents a positive aspect of a person’s character.  In simplistic terms, it means being nice to others.

One way one can be nice is to show respect.  When one respects another it generates positive energy.  This positive energy is what makes people feel good about themselves.  There are many ways of showing respect.  You can show respect by saying or doing something; the same is true for withholding words or not doing something.  This might seem confusing, so here are some example to clarify.

Things you say or do to show respect:

  1. say:  Start saying “sir” or “ma’ am” to everyone.  Everyone will start feeling they are important.
  2. do:  Open a door for someone, and make them feel special.
What you do here generates positive energy on the receiving end.

What you should not say or not do to show respect:

  1. don’t say:  Call someone who is obese “fatso”.  If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.
  2. don’t do:  Cut in line in front of people who has been waiting ahead of you.  This creates negative energy against you.

Things you don’t do prevent negative energy.  This kind of courtesy are the ones that tend to be invisible, i.e. people will typically not notice it unless they know the nature of the person who is restraining themselves.

Courtesy On The Sparring Mat

A few days a go, I saw an exemplary display of courtesy.  This great act of courtesy came from one of our students who is just 11 years old.  This just goes to show that courtesy has no age boundaries, or for that matter, no gender or ethnic limits.

Anyway, our student exercised courtesy during a Taekwondo sparring match.  You might be thinking or asking “how can someone show courtesy in a sparring match when all the do there is punch and kick each other?”  This is where it gets interesting.  Our student is extremely fast and strong in sparring.  His kicks are devastating to anyone even above his age group.

During his sparring match, he moved and kicked just as we practiced in class.  However, there was something missing.  His kicks and punches lacked the sting they normally had during sparring practice in class.  As the matched continued, it was clear that his opponent wasn’t as skilled, and was basically outclassed.  Our student won the match–scoring 3 to 1.

What really happened here?  And how does courtesy fit in?  It may not be obvious, but our student realized his opponent was outclassed and thought that his kicks could potentially hurt or injure his opponent.   So instead of kicking at his normal speed and power, he restrained himself–still kicking with enough power to score, yet sufficiently restrained so as not to hurt the other kid.  When I realized this, I stopped shouting instructions towards him; I just let him be throughout the rest of the match.

For any age, this behavior is exemplary.  It is a sign that our student knows to respect the safety of others even to the point of possibly compromising his win.  He could have easily shut out his opponent, but his humbleness and courtesy showed his potential for becoming a true martial artist.  He also gained my respect and admiration.

Conclusion

Most of the time, courtesy is something you do to others who notice and appreciate it.  However, sometimes it is something you do not do, as in the case of our student who restrained his normally strong kicks to avoid possibly hurting someone who wasn’t as skilled at protecting himself during a match.

Acts of courtesy of this kind could easily remain hidden from everyone, except for the lucky few who happen to know the inside story.

So remember, acts of courtesy can be happening all around you without you.

Taekwondo child bowing to show respect

Taekwondo child bowing to show respect

As a parent, you might have this lingering question–“Is Taekwondo good for my child?”

The simple answer to this “yes”, for the following reasons:

  • Respect.  Taekwondo teaches kids to show respect; at our Taekwondo school, the student begins by bowing to staff, students, and guests as soon as they enter the training hall.
  • Motor Skills.  Children perform drills which help them become more coordinated–helping them improve their motor skills.
  • Self-defense.  Kids learn that Taekwondo is only for self-defense.
  • Agility and Skill.  Kids learn about the Olympic sport of Taekwondo and through training improve their agility and skill.
  • Self-confidence.  Through training and testing, children are able to build their self-confidence.
  • Leadership.  As children move up in rank, they learn to set goals and objectives to reach their goals.  At higher belt levels, they are taught to lead the class through warm up exercises.
  • Code of Conduct.  Kids learn about the tenets of Taekwondo–courtesy, integrity, perseverance, self-control, indomitable spirit, and victory.
If your kids take Taekwondo, how has it change them?  Please share your thoughts by posting comments below.